Welcome to episode nine of Divorce Thrive. My name is Wendy Rovers, I am your coach and thinking partner. I inspire moms to transition through divorce with grace.
When considering divorce or transitioning through divorce, you are overwhelmed with the number of changes that are going on right now, or that you are anticipating will come at some point. Changes in your financial situation, changes in your parenting, changes in your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with your in-laws.
Changes in relationships with your friends, changes in where you will live, changes in parenting scheduling, changes in who you are; your identity, how you've thought about yourself up until now, how you're thinking about yourself right now and who you're going to be in the future.
However, what we don't often consider is the transition that needs to take place within ourselves in order for our own transformation to occur. Because, without the transition, there will be no transformation. You leave yourself open to bring all of your messiness and all of who you are right now into any relationship that you have going forward. The transition that is necessary is the inner work that needs to be done in order to make sense of the change that you're going through and in order to make sense of the changes that you will be going through. So what is it? The most important distinctions between change and transformation is that changes are driven by goals.
You want to stay living in your home? Well, you need to figure out how to do that.
You want a certain amount of money and child support every month? You need to look at the numbers.
You've been working part-time and now you want to work full-time? Well, you need to start applying for different jobs.
If there's a change in schooling, you need to call the schools, make that change, transition.
Start with letting go of what no longer fits or is adequate in the life stage that you are in right now. Transitions are internally letting go of the assumptions, the limiting beliefs, the ways that you've seen yourself, or some outlook that you have on the world or attitude toward other people.
Transitions start with letting go of what no longer works for you right now. Deciding to end the relationship that you are in right now represents the change that you're willing to make and comes from a transition within yourself. Because it is the internal things that hold us in the past, or keep us stuck right now, change.
Change will happen, but the transition will only happen if you become aware of your internal belief, your internal assumptions and you do the work necessary to understand them, make peace with them.
So changes will always happen. They happen all the time, but it's important to understand the difference between changes and the transition that's necessary to be able to move forward.
Having done the work in and move forward in a new way and transform your inner. To be able to bring your best self to next relationships that you have and to the relationship that you have with your partner going forward and your children going forward and your mother-in-law going forward, simply ending this relationship and making the change will just keep you as the same person you are right now without having made any transition done any of the inner work. You won't be bringing your best self into the next chapter of your life.
Endings begin with something going wrong; they are experiences of dying.
Divorce is an ending. It's a death of a relationship through divorce.
There will be many external changes, but it is the internal acceptance and understanding. Who you are, and the understanding of what part you played in the ending of this relationship that will open the gate for your own transformation and will help you to transition through divorce with grace. And it requires work.
It requires awareness. It requires compassion and understanding, and it is possible. It is possible to transition through divorce with grace and to transition & transform who you are, what your beliefs are, what your underlying assumptions are.
This is possible for you. It is through this internal work that you will be able to transition through divorce with grace, to go from broken to beautiful, to have peace, joy love in your life.
Thanks for being here today, I hope to inspire you and to let you know that you are not alone. Also to remind you that you are enough!
Cheers to you first!
Ps. If you are ready to transition through divorce with grace then click below and start the process of requesting your free discovery call with me!
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