Divorcing with children can take a toll on children.
When I was going through my divorce, I wondered:
"What about my kids?" "Are my kids going to be okay if I decide divorce is best for myself and my family?"
These are questions that often come up when children are involved in a divorce.
I'm going to share with you ten things that you can do to ensure the best possible outcome for your children during this divorce transition. And I want you to remember that you can't control what their other parent says or does, but you can control who you choose to be, what you say, what you do, and how you show up during this time.
1: Let them know that they can love both of their parents
They have the freedom to love you and they have the freedom to love their other parent. And that's not something that they have to think about.
2: Speak their mind freely
Let them know that they can speak what's on their mind and that they can expect reasonable and judgment-free conversation from you. When something's bothering them, you want to keep the lines of communication open, let them know, and feel that you're there for them.
3: Protect them from your emotional journey
Protect them from your anger, your crazy emotions, and your trauma. That's work that you need to do on yourself, by yourself, with yourself.
4: Protect them from hurtful words about their other parent
Decide now that you're not going to say anything negative about their other parent. Understand that they are half mom and half dad and what you say about their other parent affects them.
5: Don't put them in the middle of any adult conversation
Don't ask them to carry messages back and forth between you and their other parent. Arrange for communication between you and their other parent to be between you and their other parent. Leave the children out of it.
6: Allow them to enjoy quality time
Quality time with both parents is important for children to transition through a trauma-free divorce. Don't take that away from them. Make sure to proactively set up time for this.
7: Inform them of big life changes outside of the divorce
Are you going to be moving? Will they be changing schools? Are you going to be introducing them to another person, someone that you're dating? As parents, we will probably move on with our lives. There could be big personal and professional developments happening alongside the divorce which could be a lot for the kids to take in. Let them know well in advance of these big life changes.
8: Organize your financial situation
Your children have the right to a reasonable financial situation and stability in their lives now as kids and into post-secondary education. So get that organized.
9: Create normalcy
Give them a life that is as normal and as close to the life that they would have had if you remained married and happy and together.
10: They have the right to just be kids
They didn't choose divorce, but now they're part of this divorce transition. Allow them to just be kids. These are not easy asks but they're so important. If you decide that this is how you're going to transition through your divorce, you will be able to look back on this time in your life, ten years from now, and feel very proud about who you were being, what you said, how you acted and how you chose to keep your kids at the front of your mind while making big decisions. You kept the lines of communication open so that they knew they could come to you and you wouldn't be saying anything bad about their other parent.
You probably already know how difficult this process can be and you need as much clarity as possible. I’m offering a 9-day mini-course to help you get the clarity you need during this time.
Remember, you are loved, you are perfect, and you’re going to get through this.
Wendy
xoxo
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