I remember feeling totally overwhelmed as I sat by myself at my kitchen table, surrounded by divorce papers. Even though I had a wonderful lawyer and relatives close by, I still felt alone - and like I couldn't ask anyone for help. As a divorce coach, I now look back and see what I was lacking: a strong support network.
This is what I've discovered from my own experience as well as from working with countless clients: attempting to handle divorce on your own is not only challenging, but also unnecessary. Divorce is like climbing a mountain. Although some people reach the top by themselves, having the appropriate crew by your side not only makes the trip safer but also much easier to handle.
Let's look at why building a support system is so important, and how it can help you not only survive but thrive, during this transformational time.
Why You Need a Support System
Divorce affects all facets of our life, including our emotional, practical, and financial well-being. No matter how capable we are, it's just too much for one person to handle alone. When my clients initially approach me, many take comfort in being self-sufficient and "handling everything" by themselves. But here's what I tell them: asking for help is a strategy for success, not a sign of weakness.
The loneliness and isolation that often comes with divorce is one of the most difficult parts. We're taught that "airing our dirty laundry" is inappropriate or shameful, but this causes us to withdraw just when we need connection the most. Please don't allow this cultural conditioning to keep you from seeking the support that you need.
Healing happens in community, and when we allow ourselves to be supported, we create a safe space not just for working through our grief and feeling validated, but also for genuine metamorphosis.
Having the right support system gives us the foundation we need to do the really deep work. It gives us the emotional stability to look honestly at ourselves and take responsibility for what we contributed to the relationship’s end. While giving us different perspectives on what we may do differently moving forward. Perhaps most importantly, it gives us a solid foundation of strength to draw on when we feel ourselves being pulled off center; helping us to maintain our integrity during the storm.
It’s not about creating a team of people who will agree with everything we say or fuel anger towards our ex. It's about creating a wise support network that helps us make decisions aligned with our values. A circle that will celebrate our progress, while also pointing out our blind spots and gently keep us focused on the bigger picture.
Even the most successful business leaders have boards of advisors supporting them. Your divorce journey deserves the same level of strategic support. With the right people around you, you're more likely to make the right decisions for your future, maintain a grounded perspective, and approach this transition as an opportunity for growth.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to look back on this time and know that you handled it with grace, wisdom, and authenticity? This is possible – but it's not meant to be done alone.
Building Your Support Dream Team
Let's break down how to build a comprehensive support system that will help you navigate this transition with greater confidence and clarity.
The Inner Circle: Emotional Support
Your emotional support team should include people who can offer different types of support:
A few close friends who will listen without judgment and offer a shoulder when needed
Family members who can provide practical help with day-to-day challenges
A therapist or counselor for processing deeper emotional aspects
A divorce coach who can help you navigate both practical and emotional challenges while keeping you focused on your future
Pro tip: Choose people who can maintain boundaries and confidentiality. Not everyone needs to know every detail of your divorce.
The Professional Squad: Practical Support
This team helps you handle the business side of divorce:
A skilled divorce attorney who aligns with your approach (collaborative, mediation, or litigation)
A financial advisor to help walk you through each step
A certified divorce coach who can help you prepare for each eventuality, and make confident decisions
A real estate agent who has experience with divorce sales
The Wellness Team: Personal Support
Don't undervalue the significance of mental and physical health at this time:
A doctor who is aware of your circumstances
A yoga instructor or personal trainer to help you create a stress management plan
A mindfulness app or meditation instructor to help keep you grounded
A nutritionist to help maintain good eating habits
Creating Boundaries and Balance
Something to remember: not everyone who wants to support you should be on your team. It's okay to be selective. The well-meaning friend who constantly shares horror stories about their own divorce? You can keep your coffee dates about other topics.
Set clear boundaries about what information you share with people who don’t feel safe. Think about what kind of support you need from each person in your circle, and communicate with them clearly. Some friends might be perfect for emotional support, while others might be great at practical help or simply providing a welcome distraction.
Nurturing Your Support System
Building your support system is just the first step – maintaining it is just as important. Success lies in clearly communicating your needs while showing gratitude and appreciation. Remember to respect others' boundaries and time, and stay flexible to adjusting your support system as your needs evolve. While this period of your life is just here for a season, the relationships we forge during this time often become some of the deepest and most enduring. Made even sweeter once we’ve come out the other side and are able to give back in equal measure.
A Personal Note
When I work with clients, I see their relief when we map out their support system together. It's like watching someone put down a heavy backpack they've been carrying all alone. You don't have to figure everything out by yourself – and honestly, you shouldn't.
Seeking support isn't about dependency; it's about creating a foundation for your next chapter. Your support system becomes the scaffolding that helps you rebuild your life, stronger and more intentional than before.
Why not start now by taking a tiny step toward strengthening your network of support? This could be calling a reliable friend, setting up an appointment with a divorce counselor, or looking into local resources. You are not alone, and while divorce is challenging, this could be the transformation that you've been waiting for.
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Are you ready to use this challenging time as an opportunity for growth and positive change? As a divorce coach who has walked this path both personally and professionally, I'm here to support you. Fill out my contact form or click to learn more about how we can work together.
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