In this blog, I’m going to guide you through some important insights for making better decisions during this divorce transition. I will reveal to you how making positive choices can foster smoother communication, understanding, and cooperation, resulting in a more amicable and less stressful divorce process. Achieve better results, less fighting, and develop a roadmap to a more peaceful life after divorce.
Here are 20 ways to have a crappy divorce. But more importantly, 20 ways to make your divorce okay, and even great.
Number one:
Misstep:
Not thinking about what you say. Saying whatever you want, anytime you want, to anyone you want.
Step forward:
Your word is important. What you say to yourself. What you say to your children is important. What you say to your friends and to the professionals that you work with is important. So think about what you say. Never say anything negative about your child's other parent to yourself or to anyone else.
Number two:
Misstep:
Not doing anything at all. Just curling up at home. Deciding not to do the work. Being a victim of circumstance.
Step forward:
You can choose to be a creator and an owner in your life. Yes, divorce is on the table. You or maybe your spouse decided that it's best for you and your family. It's time to take this experience, this situation, divorce, and create a divorce that you will be proud to look back on ten years from now.
Number three:
Misstep:
Not taking time to understand your money situation. Not reaching out to a financial expert. Not understanding your numbers.
Step forward:
You can decide that you want to be financially independent and financially free, even if you have never done this before in your life. You have an opportunity now to become financially independent, to learn your numbers, create your spreadsheets, and your budget, understand the numbers, ask questions, find a financial expert that you can work with, and be financially free.
Number four:
Misstep:
Not finding the right people to work with. Thinking you can do it all on your own. We can only do so much on our own.
Step forward:
Now's the time to find the right people to work with, to bring the right people into your corner so that you can create a new relationship with your children's other parents, so that you can understand your money, so that you can heal your emotions. Create a separation agreement that makes sense for your family.
Number five:
Misstep:
Not starting today. Delaying the process.
Step forward:
If you know now that divorce is the best option for you and your family, start today. One small thing at a time, one small move forward stacks up over time to create the experiences that you're having every day.
Number six:
Misstep:
Not having difficult conversations with your children, your spouse, your lawyer, your financial expert, or your divorce coach.
Step forward:
Planning and having difficult conversations, asking those uncomfortable questions. Checking in with your kids. Opening up to your divorce coach and healing your emotions. Learning where you are now, what you want, where you're headed. This can be an opportunity in your life to learn, grow, and transform.
Number seven:
Misstep:
Falling in love with someone else right away. Rather than working through the divorce process, learning from your mistake, and learning where you went wrong in this marriage, just moving right on to the next relationship.
Step forward:
Instead, take a little time, give yourself time to heal, do the work, and figure things out, only then can you bring your best self into a new relationship and give everything of who you are to your new relationship. You can attract people who see that you're whole and that you're that you've worked through all of your problems and that you understand who you are and that you know where you're headed and you know where you're going. And you're smiling and happy and feeling good about things.
Number eight:
Misstep:
Drinking a lot of alcohol. Doing a lot of drugs, partying all the time, and blocking everything out.
Step forward:
Focusing on quality sleep, good food, and lots of water, and taking this time to learn and grow.
Number nine:
Misstep:
Spending lots of money because you deserve it.
Step forward:
Speaking with a financial expert, understanding your finances and creating a plan.
Number ten:
Misstep:
Not learning new ways to communicate, negotiate, and be heard.
Step forward:
Learning where you haven't communicated properly, learning why you haven't been heard and what you're saying.
Number eleven:
Misstep:
Focusing on everyone else except yourself.
Step forward:
Deciding to focus on yourself, doing the internal work so that you can take care of your children and your family. Heal your emotions. Learn from your mistakes. Decide to change.
Number twelve:
Misstep:
Never spending some time by yourself, always listening to others and taking their opinions seriously when making major life decisions.
Step forward:
Taking some time for solitude. Learning to listen to yourself. Understanding and knowing what's best for you. You need to take some quiet time to be able to hear that.
Number thirteen:
Misstep:
Not creating a plan and just winging it.
Step forward:
Finding the right people to work with. Asking the questions. Learning, growing, reading, hiring people, creating a plan.
Number fourteen:
Misstep:
Not being honest with yourself about why you're here, how you got here, or where you're headed. Continuing to blame everyone else.
Step forward:
Blaming everyone else is not the answer. Instead, take a look at your responsibility in this failed marriage. You're not wrong and no one's blaming you. But understand where you failed in this relationship and how you can do better next time.
Number fifteen:
Misstep:
Staying in your comfort zone.
Step forward:
Stepping out of your comfort zone to create the life you want.
Number sixteen:
Misstep:
Not believing that you can create a wonderful life for yourself and your family.
Step forward:
It is so important that you believe that you can create a wonderful family for yourself, for your children, with their other parent, and find the people that are doing it, and emulate them. Find the people who have gone through a divorce and seem to have a good relationship with their other parent. Their kids are thriving. They're thriving. If they can do it, so can you.
Number seventeen:
Misstep:
Not reading, learning, growing.
Step forward:
Reading, learning, and working with people who can help you do things differently and grow.
Number eighteen:
Misstep:
Complaining all the time and not taking any responsibility for your part in the failure of your marriage.
Step forward:
You can take 100% responsibility. Learn, grow, and be better today than you were yesterday. You can choose to learn from your mistakes, learn from this failed marriage, learn how to be a better person, and be better today than you were yesterday.
Number nineteen:
Misstep:
Taking advice from those who haven't transitioned through divorce or had a similar experience.
Step forward:
It doesn’t matter if they’ve been through divorce or not. In your personal relationships, seek advice or guidance from those who you are close to and know you best, who you trust to help you in times like this. Working with professionals who HAVE experience with divorce is important.
Number twenty:
Misstep:
Letting this one failed relationship define your entire life. So many people still talk about their crappy divorce 20 years later. This can impact the way you see yourself and the kind of environment you create for your children.
Step forward:
A failure in life is a stepping stone. It's an opportunity for us to learn about ourselves and grow. To re-envision a more exciting future. Let that be you. Decide whether you want to have a crappy divorce or a great divorce. The decision is yours.
Know that you are perfect. You are loved. And you are an important person.
Wendy
xoxo
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